A Bully

Basic definition of A Bully

A bully is an individual who meets his “need” for self-worth, respect, empowerment, and  validation, tragically, by repeatedly, disempowering others, over time. The bully will use verbal, physical, racial, sexual, financial, and cyber tactics, to name a few, to get what he wants without the other person’s consent. As one can discern bullying can be presented in a variety of ways. So, how do you know if you are getting bullied? There is blatant bullying which is up front and personal for all to see. For example,  “Give me your lunch money or else,” Or, “If you don’t do this little favor for me you future here might be limited.”

On of my most popular edicts is to say, “Age is not a direct correlation of maturity. Just because someone is a specific age does not mean they display maturity.”  Other ways to bully or “adult bullying”  are what I call, “micro bullying.”

Narcissistic:This is where the person disempowers others by making disingenuous comments that are subtle and hurtful but not enough for victim to notice in that moment. The slight goes undetected, such as, “You got the 2-door, why didn’t you get the 4-door like I mentioned?” or “I heard you didn’t get the promotion, maybe you should put in more effort or training.” This form of bullying is used to put others down in order to build up one’s own self-worth.

Impulsive: The individual acts out his “bully” behavior without planning. This life-diminishing behavior may not have anything to do with the victim but an old wound that surfaced because the present situation triggered an old wound and that individual happens to be in the line of fire of the bully.

Secondary: This is where a person join in on the bullying by the initial bully so as to protect himself from future bullying and willing to ignore the suffering the victim is enduring.

When you see someone being bullied, be brave and STAND UP for them. Bullies have been known to back off when others stand up for victims.

If you don’t feel safe get the help of an adult immediately. Be part of the solution — not the problem!

It’s a time to see everyone’s differences and celebrate their similarities: Whether students are LGBT, African American, Asian, Muslim, AAPI,of Tribal descent or disabled …make friends.

Students can participate by

  • Creating positive messages on post-its and handing them out to students at school
  • Hold a “kindness” dance at school
  • Creating anti-bullying videos and sharing them on the STOMP Out Bullying site
  • Sharing inspirational stories on the STOMP Out Bullying site
  • Create a kindness dance flash mob at school or in your community. Make a video of it and send it to us. We’ll share it on our web site.

Stomp out Bullying


Final Step—to break vicious cycles and shift into constructive behaviors and belief systems. Designed to help professionals in the broad area of social services, many can benefit from Oden’s eye-opening and highly successful method.

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